That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
