I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
