we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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