I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
