i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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