I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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