Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize