I faked an abortion last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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