How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think my moral compass just broke
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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