So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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