I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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