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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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