A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
