So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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