Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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