Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize