did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize