I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
