Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
