At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
