Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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