woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
