The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
