i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
