How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
