i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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