i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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