Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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