how can u be prego again
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
