Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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