Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
