She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
