She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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