hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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