i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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