Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
