the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
