My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at about main and main street
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Randomize
