I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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