God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
