Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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