I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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