the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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