I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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