I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
