Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
