Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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