I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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