the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
