We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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