ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
