My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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