Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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