He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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