every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
