This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize