I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
