Betty ford says i'm here all night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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