Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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