Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
