i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
