in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
