The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
