some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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