Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
