I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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