we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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