you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
