nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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