i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
