I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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